


The Seven-Minute Closet

by unkissed



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Crack Relationships, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Humor, M/M, MISTI-Con Prompt, MISTI-con, Multi, Non-Explicit Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Experimentation, Sexual Humor, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 21:23:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10522143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkissed/pseuds/unkissed
Summary: Neither house affiliation, nor gender, nor sexual orientation mattered once behind the door, for inside the enchanted closet, desire had no regard for identity or preference.A slightly cracky tale of unlikely bedfellows and inter-house mingling in which Theodore likes tying knots, Pansy uses her teeth, Astoria gets high with a little help from her friends, Ginny isn't stupid, The Golden Trio crash a party, Luna reveals the mating behavior of doxies, Neville's got a huge sword, Blaise is the master of ceremonies, and Draco is the reigning champion of giving head. (Work in progress.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> See the End Notes for the prompt I used as inspiration. Prompt graciously provided by Kerry Boese for the MISTI-Con 2017 Call For Fan Fiction.
> 
> Please review the tags and carefully consider wether or not you're comfortable reading this story.
> 
> Can't wait for MISTI-Con!!

_I’d service the community, but I already have, you see._

_– George Michael_

 

 

“Being sentenced by the Wizengamot to six months in the service of Hogwarts does not obligate you to service the entire student body,” said Pansy in a haughty, impatient huff, as she stood in the doorway of the closet, not scandalized in the least by the tableau upon which she stumbled.

 

Draco, who was facing the back of the closet, half turned from his kneeling position on the floor and raised a hand to shield his eyes from the bright light emanating from Pansy’s wand, vaguely bothered by the intrusion. “You can watch if you’d like. But do put out that light.”

 

Theodore, who was facing outwards, and incidentally standing in _very_ close proximity to Draco, had bore the brunt of Pansy’s harsh light. “Honestly, you could blind somebody with that damn thing,” Theodore reprimanded, more concerned with his own delicate retinas than the safety of the general public – of this Draco was fairly certain about his best mate.

 

Draco let out an amused, mannerly snort and mumbled, smirking up at Theodore, “Funny, I made the same remark to you just moments ago.”

 

Theodore, who tended to be less veiled with his innuendo, returned Draco’s smirk and remarked wryly, “I was aiming for your mouth, but it moves so bloody much.”

 

Pansy made another impatient sound, this one more resigned than annoyed. “You boys make me want to vomit,” she muttered, giving both boys a roll of her Kohl-lined eyes, but even still, dimmed her wand light and closed the closet door.

 

But not before stepping inside. There was barely enough room for the three of them to move around comfortably in the closet. Not that it mattered, given the way the closet had been utilized as of late.

 

 

What was once an empty and forgotten storeroom in the Slytherin dungeon, had come to be known to Hogwarts’ most fortunate insiders as The Seven-Minute Closet.

 

Never in Hogwarts history had a tiny room inspired so much camaraderie, inter-house mingling, and breaking of barriers as The Seven-Minute Closet. The Seven-Minute Closet was the great leveler of the social hierarchy, for within its dark fold, all fell equally to its magic, from the most influential butterflies to the least noticed wallflowers. Neither house affiliation, nor gender, nor sexual orientation mattered once behind the door, for inside the closet, desire had no regard for identity or preference.

 

Nobody was ever judged or chastised for what happened in the closet (as long as it was consensual, which it always was), for everyone knew that their actions were entirely attributable to the magic within the closet.

 

It’s unknown who enchanted the closet, or why, or even _when_ it had fallen under its spell. All that is known (by those few _in-the-know_ ) is that when anyone enters the closet, they become overwhelmed with desire and lose their inhibitions, which tends to lead to one losing their clothes. Rumor has it that this incredible power had been discovered when two unlikely bedfellows hid inside the closet to escape certain death during the Battle of Hogwarts and ended up snogging right through Voldemort’s defeat.

 

When Hogwarts reopened, whispers of an enchanted closet began to spread amongst the hormonal teenagers who had returned for an eighth year. Soon, every sexually curious or adventurous student wanted to find the closet and try it out. But its true existence and location were a heavily guarded secret, and the guardians of that secret closely regulated the closet’s use.

 

Because one could become lost in their own passions within the closet for an unhealthy amount of time (or because one could potentially hog the closet), it had been decided that a strict limit of seven minutes be placed on the closet’s use. Seven Minutes In The Closet became a popular game at after-hours parties.

 

These secret nighttime soirees had been held frequently in the Slytherin dorms as of late, since the dungeon was the only part of the original castle still operational during the post-war rebuilding process, and relatively unsupervised compared to the other dorms. It also didn’t hurt that Professor Slughorn, head of Slytherin House, was hard of hearing and slept like a bear in the dead of winter. The other houses and all the staff quarters were temporarily relocated to the structure that had been hastily erected next to the castle during reconstruction – i.e., nowhere near the Slytherin dormitories.

 

 

It was at one of these secret Slytherin parties that Draco now found himself in the closet, yet again, with Theodore and Pansy – though he’d never been in the closet with both at the same time. He’d never been in the closet with more than one other person, in fact, and he was curious what effect the enchantment would have.

 

“Aren’t you done yet, Theo? I’m pretty sure your seven minutes ended an hour ago,” said Pansy, always one to be heavy-handed with hyperbole, “If _I’d_ been picked, I’d have finished you off in three,” she said loftily.

 

Two could play at the exaggeration game, as Theodore proved. “Yeah, because I would’ve passed out from the pain in two minutes and been done for.”

 

Draco gave a quiet amused snort, never one to miss the humor in berating others.

 

Pansy chuckled. Her tone softened to that of dark velvet. “Oh, come off it, Theo. You love it when I use my teeth.”

 

Draco felt long, thin fingers on his shoulders and sharp-tipped nails pressing into his crisp Oxford as Pansy leaned over him to connect her face with Theodore’s, eclipsing the dim light coming from the wand tucked behind Theodore’s ear. In the dark, Draco could hear Theodore keening like a kitten intermittently between soft, wet snogging sounds.

 

Warm tendrils of jealousy crept up from Draco’s chest to tinge his already-flushed cheeks a deeper shade of pink. And that was because Draco enjoyed Theodore’s mouth very much. Draco also enjoyed Pansy’s mouth on rare occasion, but that small detail was irrelevant, for Draco did not enjoy sharing. Perhaps even more than that, Draco did not enjoy being anything but the center of attention.

 

Ever the astute friend, Theodore must have sensed Draco feeling left out and put a reassuring hand on Draco’s head. It wasn’t so much an affectionate pat as it was an acknowledgement of Draco’s presence. When Theodore’s fingers began to slowly clench into Draco’s hair, it took all of Draco’s little-remaining dignity not to smack Theodore’s hand away, or worse. Nobody ruins Draco Malfoy’s expertly sculpted coif if they want to live, with the notable exception being Theodore.

 

Draco understood that this was just Theodore’s not-so-subtle way of letting him know what he wanted. And there was a part of Draco, perhaps one that only existed within the closet, which rather liked it when Theodore was a bit aggressive.

 

Even darker still, was a part of Theodore that reveled in being more than a _bit_ aggressive with Draco – a part of Theodore that enjoyed lovingly binding Draco at the wrists with his Slytherin tie – a part of Theodore that apparently took pleasure in feeling Pansy’s teeth applied precariously to sensitive parts of his body. And perhaps, Draco was not averse to encouraging this part of Theodore, even outside the enchanted closet.

 

Despite the closet’s arousing spell, the thought of teeth clamping down on his nether regions was not appealing to Draco. _To each his own_ , he supposed. Still, Draco felt compelled to please Theodore, to impress this impossible boy, who had always been just a little bit cleverer, just a smidge more cunning, just a touch more handsome than Draco. And stronger still was Draco’s desire to not be outdone by Pansy Bloody Parkinson.

 

The hand that had availed itself of Draco’s hair, moved in favor of slipping beneath Pansy’s un-tucked blouse. Under threat of losing Theodore’s attention entirely, Draco quickly resumed what he’d been doing prior to Pansy’s interruption. Only this time, he used his teeth, ever so slightly, with careful pressure. And the blissful, shuddering sigh that came out of Theodore had Draco smirking around turgid flesh. As Theodore offered vulgar praises to the deities in Draco’s good name, his fingers returned to Draco’s hair. Draco knew that this this meant Theodore was quite pleased.

 

Draco somehow managed to keep that smug grin on his lips while his mouth was rather full and busy. But leave it to Pansy to steal Draco’s glory.

 

“You see, I told you I know how Theo likes it,” she remarked.

 

Draco pulled away and glanced up to find Pansy flashing a smirk of her own.

 

She then turned her attention back to Theodore and cooed, “Don’t I, baby?” hooking a manicured finger under his chin and luring him into another fervent kiss.

 

Draco wondered when Pansy started calling Theodore _baby_ , but more importantly, when Theodore started allowing it. Which made him also begin to ponder when Pansy stopped calling Draco infantilizing pet names – not that he ever liked it.

 

Theodore managed to dislodge his tongue from Pansy’s throat long enough to clear his own. “ _Ah-hem_.”

 

The polite sound snapped Draco out of his thoughts and made him realize he was quite the third wheel, kneeling on the floor in the dark, doing nothing but moping while Theodore and Pansy had been threatening to swallow each other’s faces whole.

 

“Bored, are we, Draco?” Theodore asked, assuming that Draco had lost interest, rather than lost his resolve to be the reigning Slytherin champion of _giving head_.

 

“Seven minutes is up, Malfoy. Are you staying or leaving?” Pansy asked, impatient as ever. Conspicuous was her use of his surname, given the thoughts into which he’d wandered.

 

Draco stood and dusted off the knees of his trousers. “That’s not how we play, _Parkinson_. Theodore drew my name out of the bowl,” he pointed out, enforcing the rules of the game, and perhaps being slightly protective if he was honest with himself. “You can’t just budge in here and have your way with him because you’re bored.”

 

He didn’t think Pansy’s smirk could get any more self-satisfied, but it did. She dipped her fingers into the deep cleft of her chest that heaved out of the top of her partially unbuttoned blouse and pulled out a slip of parchment. She held it between her fingers like the cigarettes they’d become fond of as of late. Draco snatched the paper out of her hand and read Theodore’s swirling scrawl.

 

The furrow that had formed between Draco’s brow deepened. The corner of his top lip curled. He would not give Pansy the satisfaction of a parting word and simply opened the closet door. He took a step, but did not get very far, for Theodore’s unmistakable possessive grip pulled him back in by the wrist.

 

“Where do you think you’re going, Draco? I’m not done with you,” said Theodore, in that maddeningly superior drawl that made Draco want to tighten his fingers around that elegant, pale neck, but also made him feel tight in his trousers.

 

“Damn right, you’re not,” Draco replied, drawling just the same, “I haven’t even come yet.”

 

And there was that smug grin, restored to its rightful place on Draco’s lips. But not for long. Theodore would fuck that smirk right off Draco’s smart mouth. And so would Pansy, for that matter. Not that Draco minded. For being _in the service of the student body_ , as Pansy had put it, was not humiliating in the least when it meant being the center of attention.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt Provided by: Kerry Boese
> 
> General or Relationship: Relationship
> 
> Relationship(s) if Applicable: Multiple
> 
> Character(s): All the typical Hogwarts crowd
> 
> Main Character(s): you pick
> 
> Rating Not To Exceed: Bring it on!
> 
> Time Period: 6th or 8th Year
> 
> General Tone: Humor/Sexual
> 
> Canon Compliance: EWE
> 
> May Include: Slash, Het, Threesomes, Moresomes, copious amounts of alcohol, potions/drugs, lots of blushing, some humiliation, a lot of laughter, and a ton of sexual tension. 6th year before all the sadness, or 8th year when they are all legal. 
> 
> May Not Include: non-con
> 
> Premise: These are teenagers. Who can do MAGIC. And they go to a boarding school. With little direct supervision. PLEASE tell me there are parties, even cross-house parties, with alcohol, recreational potions/drugs(wizarding), GAMES like Spin the Bottle,7 minutes in the Closet, and Truth or Dare (with veritaserum! or truth spells!).


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